Today I Cried

Today I cried. I saw my friend Marc today who had fled Lebanon this morning. I saw him for a couple of hours before he went to the airport. His flight leaves to Cairo in an hour. I just got back to my uncle's house and cried. Marc was the first person I've seen in Amman who I'd seen last in Beirut. Seeing him here, so out of context, slapped me with the reality of my situation.

I am alone here. In a city I do not know. Away from my home and my neighbourhood. Away from parents, siblings and friends. Away from everything that is familiar. Inside, I wanted so desperately for Marc to stay, at least for another hour. He was the first thing I'd seen here that related to my life in Lebanon. I don't know what it is I am feeling. It's not just homesickness. It's also fear for the home which I am sick for. When this is over and I go back, even then, I will not be returning to the familiarity I am missing so much right now.

Since I said good-bye to my parents in the mountains, there was only one other time I came close to crying. I was at the Syrian-Jordanian border, waiting in the 'Foreigners' line to get my visa for Jordan. I was travelling on my American passport. My uncle was standing in the 'Arabs' line with his Lebanese passport. My Lebanese one was together with my parents' at the travel agency when Israel started to attack us. We had been planning a family vacation to Russia and so we'd sent our passports off to get visas. My brother was meant to arrive from Washington, D.C. this past Sunday and we had planned to leave for St. Petersburg and Moscow next week. I am the youngest of three children. I see each of my family members often throughout the year, but, as we've gotten older, its become a rare occasion that I get to see more than one or two of them at a time. Even though my sister could not join us, we still were so excited for the trip and to spend time together. We were supposed to leave for Russia tomorrow.

My uncle's line moved much faster than mine and he joined me before I had reached the window. He noticed as I pulled out the 15 Jordanian Dinars for the cost of my visa. He turned, looked at me sternly and offered up the 15 dinars himself as he told me I was not to pay for anything while I was in Jordan. He said it with a feeling that was something more than the regular generosity I am accustomed to with Arabs. His tone struck me. I realized then that I am in Amman indefinitely and with limited resources. I saved myself from tears with a few big breaths as I remembered the people crossing the Lebanese-Syrian border on foot next to me, just on the other side of my car window, with far less than me.

The last few days, since my arrival here, I'd slowly begun to decompress with the normalcy of Amman around me. I had started to get accustomed that the hollow thuds of the construction site nearby were not indisciminate Israeli ballistics and that the crackle of nuptual nighttime fireworks were not their bombs. But seeing Marc here was so abnormal that it shattered any kind of comfort that I had built with my new surroundings. While I do feel homesick and scared for my family and for Lebanon, I am also determined to help them.

This story is not just my own. It's the story of each Lebanese. We just each have our own version. It may shock you that, thank God, until now, mine is one of the more palatable versions. Today, as Marc approached the Lebanese-Syrian border, he fled by two burning buses. These buses, like his, were also trying to flee the country. Their passengers had become victims not more than five minutes earlier of Israel's 'surgical airstrikes'. These victims cannot tell you their versions of the story.


The statistics below are all part of someone's story. To date:

v 306 civilians dead in Lebanon, 53% of them children; 74% of them entire families

v Lebanon is under siege: Israel has destroyed every airport, bombed every major road artery and attacked every port from the north to the south. Travel in and out of the country is near impossible.

v Israeli bombs or shells have cut off a total of 38 roads and have destroyed 55 bridges, severely curtailing the ability to travel even within the country and preventing the safe delivery of food and medicines.

v Israeli shelling has displaced 650,000 Lebanese, or 16% of the population - the equivalent of 50 million Americans, 25 times the number displaced by Katrina. It can be likened to the evacuation of the total populations of the 40 most populous cities in America combined, including Boston, NY, Chicago, D.C., LA, San Francisco, Houston, Philadelphia, Dallas and Detroit.

v Israel has destroyed more than 100 homes and residential buildings in the areas surrounding Beirut, Tripoli and in the South. They have also targeted hospitals, churches, mosques, schools, water treatment plants, milk factories, paper mills and wheat silos.

v Israeli bombing has destroyed 17 fuel stores, 4 gas stores and 12 gas stations. It has hit electricity plants throughout the country, leaving 750,000 residents in the south and large areas in Beirut without electricity.

v The Lebanese finance minister has estimated that damage to the country already amounts to several billion dollars, undoing 15 years worth of reconstruction.

v Despite this extensive bloodshed and damage, the U.S. has refused to call for a ceasefire. This week New York Senator Hillary Clinton proclaimed: "We will stand with Israel because Israel is standing for American values as well as Israeli ones." The U.S. Ambassador to the U.N. John Bolton declared: "I don't think that the use of force by Israel is excessive."


This story is yours too. Its the story of your duty to rethink your identity and to act. We are human, first and foremost. Only after that are we all the identities of region, nation, city and neighborhood. We share the same humanity. As you read this, the unfettered, indiscriminate and brutal decimation of Lebanon at the hands of the Israeli army is jeopordising your humanity.

I have never before been faced with a problem I haven't been able to fix on my own or with the help of my friends and family. Today I am faced with one I cannot solve alone. I need the help of my friends. And their friends. And their friends' friends. I need your help. We are all connected by six degrees of separation. I beseach you all, as my friends, to help me now.

I have 260 people on my mailing list. If you each donate $30, you will raise $7,800. Imagine if you donate more. Pass on my email to your friends. The more the better. But even if you only had ten people on your list, imagine if each of them donates another $30. That's another $78,000. And when it gets passed on again, that's at least another 780,000. Keep passing it on.

You can donate for relief in Lebanon by credit card at International Red Cross Website at the following link.

- http://www.icrc.org/web/eng/siteeng0.nsf/iwpList2/Help_the_ICRC?OpenDocument

Their lives are endangered not only by bombs, but by the situation those bombs have created. People are threatened by unhygenic conditions, sickness, scarcity of medical supplies and treatment, lack of electricity, water and gas, leaving people unable to refrigerate food or to cook it, or to run medical equipment such as dialysis machines, or to wash themselves and their clothes, or to change diapers.


Their lives are endangered not only by bombs, but by the situation those bombs have created. People are threatened by unhygenic conditions, sickness, scarcity of medical supplies and treatment, lack of electricity, water and gas, leaving people unable to refrigerate food or to cook it, or to run medical equipment such as dialysis machines, or to wash themselves and their clothes, or to change diapers.

A friend set up a site which I am maintaining. It has my other emails and ways to help:
- http://reem-in-lebanon.blogspot.com

Always,
Reem

"Is the value of human life in Lebanon less than that of the citizens of other countries?"– Lebanese Prime Minister Fouad Siniora

We are Not an Intellectual Conversation to have at Dinner

Hello Everyone,
I thank all those who are already doing what they can to help. I appreciate all those who are thinking and sympathising with us through these atrocities. Feeling with us is not enough. Everyone has a part to play. We are not a spectacle to watch on television, or an intellectual conversation to have at a dinner. We are a people who are unjustly and inhumanely being targeted, attacked and decimated. Each of YOU has the ability to do something to help. DO IT.

To HELP in AID ASSISTANCE:
The following organizations are collecting money to buy basic supplies for the internally displaced populations in Lebanon and provide them with medical treatment. We ask everyone who can send donations, however small. See below for bank account information and contact your bank to find out how to transfer funds.


Al Huda Society, Ras Beirut. Director: Najla Nusseir Bashour
- A/C No: 02 02 43020 047465
Allied Bank, Hamra Branch
UID: CH035040
SWIFT: MEDLLBBX

- JP Morgan Chase Bank, New York
A/C No: 544729035

- Bank of New York, New York
A/C No: 8900057343

Relief Center, Sanayeh Garden, Beirut. http://sanayehreliefcenter.blogspot.com/
c/o Georges Azzi (founding member of 05 Amam: www.05amam.org) - Bank Name: Credit Libanais SAL Beirut – Agence Sassine- Swift Code: CLIBLBBX- Client Name: M. Al Azzi Georges Chaker - Account Number: 043.001.180.0006817.35.6
The Lebanese Red Cross working with the International Red Cross:
Audi Bank
Bab Idriss
Account No: 841500
Swift: AUDBLBBX

Mercy Corps
Has set up a special fund to donations to Lebanon:
http://www.mercycorps.org/topics/middleeastcrisis/1356
You can donate directly on the internet:

https://ssl.charityweb.net/mercycorps/giftbasket/donation.htm?pDonorIntent=MidEast&Custom15=wm&Custom16=4.2&pTotalAmt=100

Donate by Phone: 1 (888) 256-1900 (toll-free)
Donate by Mail: Mercy Corps / Dept W / PO Box 2669 / Portland OR 97208

To HELP in ADVOCACY assistance:
* Write to the American and Israeli Embassies in your respective countries. Protest in front of them. Let them know you are appalled by the US support of Israel and their criminal actions in Lebanon.
You can find the link to your respective US embassies, their addresses and telephone numbers at the following link:
- http://usembassy.state.gov/
For the Israeli embassies worldwide and their information go to to:
- http://mfa.gov.il/mfm/web/main/default.asp?

Attached is a draft of the declaration that will be sent to the US embassy in Amman, Jordan. Feel free to use it as a template.

* For those of you in the US, please write to your State representatives and let them know how you feel about the atrocities in Lebanon. In a Senate vote yesterday, every senator voted in full-support of Israel. Attached are two draft letters, one calls for political action, the other focuses on assisting relief efforts. You can find your Congressional representatives contact information on the following link:
- http://www.congress.org/congressorg/directory/congdir.tt

You can find links to other representatives such as state and local officials, Senators, the Vice-President and the President at:
- http://www.congress.org/congressorg/home/

* Sign the petitions and polls that are circulating in support of Lebanon. The following is a link to an international petition supporting Lebanon you should sign.
- http://julywar.epetitions.net
And here is a link to a CNN poll about whether you think Israeli aggression on Lebanon is justified. Scroll down the article you will see the poll on the right.
- http://edition.cnn.com/2006/WORLD/meast/07/13/mideast/index.html

* Raise Awareness among the people you know. You can start by forwarding this message on to your list of contacts.


To keep up with the NEWS:
Here is a link to the Tayyar website. They provide articles on the situation in Lebanon updated every 15 minutes
- http://www.tayyar.org/tayyar/pages.php?page=english

I was able to get out of Lebanon yesterday and am currently in Amman

Thank you to all of you who have called, emailed and text messaged me your thoughts, comments and support. It sincerely has meant a lot to me to hear from you during all of this. For those of you who have been asking me how you can get involved to help, I am working on finding ways you can each do your part to assist. So get ready and stay tuned. Each of you can help in some way and each of you should. Think long and hard about what it would feel like to not only be in need and under siege, but to also be callously ignored. Thanks to those who are already working to get involved.

As for me, I was able to get out of Lebanon yesterday and am currently in Amman at my uncle's house.

Deciding whether to leave or to stay was the hardest decision I have had to make in my life. I am safe in Jordan, but my parents, grandmother, aunts & uncles, cousins and friends are all still in Lebanon. Leaving behind my parents is the hardest decision I've ever made. Nothing compares. For the time in my life no one would offer any opinions or advice. No one even presumes to know what the best decision is. In times like these everyone's decisions are their own. I have never before felt the weight of my own responsibility like this.

We decided late Sunday morning I would leave early Monday morning with my cousin's children, aged 6 and the twins aged 4 who were stuck in Lebanon with their grandparents. Their aunt had arranged their departure by land to Syria with their father meeting them at the border. She found a Jordanian driver who had been making runs between Amman and Lebanon to drive me in a car following theirs. He had arrived in Lebanon the night before and knew a small side road to Syria that was still open.

At home in Beirut, I packed a shoulder bag and a small suitcase in half an hour before driving up to my aunt's house in the mountains with my parents and housekeeper . They would drive back down to Beirut that day and I would spend the night there before leaving for Syria the next day.

I could only pack the essentials and in a short time. What I found to be essential were a few pictures, my laptop and cell phone, my diploma and enough clothes for a few days. By driving me up to the mountains, my parents ran the risk of not coming back to the apartment in Beirut. If things got worse while they were away, they may not be able to make it back. While I collected my things, I watched my mother and father frantically scan through their files picking out valuable documents in case their return was precluded. Property deeds, bank accounts, diplomas, etc. If you've met my father, you know he is normally a very strong and outspoken man. While sitting in front of his files he was noticeably quiet. I only heard him say once in disbelief – I can't believe its gotten to this.

As we loaded the car with our things and prepared to leave for the mountains, we could hear the sound of bombing starting again. I was feeling their impact in more ways than one.

My father sped up the road, flying under the bridges, windows ajar listening for the planes that have been bombing them out. No one buckled their seatbelts and we left the doors unlocked to make it easier to get out of the car quickly if necessary. As we raced up the inclines we could hear the bombing close-by. Everyone remained calm but tense under the pressure of the situation.

We arrived at my aunt's house mid-afternoon. I spent the afternoon on the phone checking on friends and watching the news with my family. I was on the phone with my sister discussing whether I should stay or go when the bombing came within earshot from where we were. Two minutes later, my parents rushed out of the house so they could leave to Beirut before the roads became more unsafe. I barely had time to say good bye. I hugged each of them tightly as I choked back tears. My parents whispered wishes of good luck to me, not just for my journey, but in my life afterwards, in the places I would go, the people I would meet and the work I would do. I miss them so much and am counting the days until I they are again standing in front of me to wish me well and to hold me close.

In the evening I sat a while with my aunt and uncle. As we heard news that the Israelis had bombed a tall residential building in Sur (Tyr) of 10 or 11 floors, she called to check on her friends living there. They were in the building next door and had relatives in the building that was bombed. 20 in the building had died and 50 were injured. They had to get off the phone to check who from their family had survived and who needed assistance.

The next morning my aunt woke me at 4:30 to get ready to leave. At 5:00 am we left to my cousin's house where we would meet the drivers that would accompany us to Syria and my cousin who would stay with us until we got to the border. On the balcony of my cousin's house, the building shook from impact while we waited for the cars to be readied. The children started screaming and crying that they were going to die.

At around 5:15 our two car convoy left my cousin's house. I was alone in the car with a driver I didn't know driving behind my cousin's car. My security in the car with him was my last concern. I was scared of being bombed on the road, scared we'd have issues at the border, scared for my family I was leaving behind and scared whether or not I had made the right decision by leaving. The whole way I thought of turning back. Even in Jordan, the thought crosses my mind to go back to Beirut. It is so difficult leaving and being far away. With proximity comes the assurance of their well-being. But distance can give the ability to assist.

As we got closer to Syria we got a little more tense. About 20 minutes from the border, we had to detour off the road which the driver had used the night before. Terror struck us as we were told it had been bombed out about 15 minutes before we got there. We raced the rest of the way to the border fearful that they hadn't finished bombing.

One cousin passed us off to another. After we'd finished sorting out our papers with the Lebanese officials we moved across the border and into safety. We reached the Syrian side and descended again to get papers stamped. I have never seen such a sight in my life. Loads of people were piled on top of each other in the back of flat bed trucks being carried away from the country. Scores more were crossing on foot carrying their essentials on their back or balancing them on their heads. Their essentials looked quite different from mine. They hauled coolers of drinking water, small tanks of cooking and heating gas and bags of food. I pondered these people's survivability after they crossed the border. They seemed to be in a Catch-22 situation. Damned if they do and damned if they don't. I attached some of the pictures I took while waiting. Please open the attached photos.

We made it to Damascus. My cousin left with his kids to catch a flight to Kuwait where he lives and I waited for an hour until my uncle arrived from Amman to drive me back. I came to find his whole family working on relief efforts. He has been collecting medicine and blankets for internal refugees, his wife has been working with various NGO's and my cousins here have been raising awareness organizing demonstrations and calling out the biases of Western media. One of my cousins here was telling me the story of one of her friend's in Lebanon whom I had met last weekend at beach in Lebanon . She and her friends got caught last week in the South near Sur (Tyre ). They had been spending a day at the beach there when Israel started bombing the Southern region. They were all forced to spend 4 days underground in a bomb shelter without being able to send word to their families in Beirut that they were ok. A couple of days ago, they finally took the chance to leave back to Beirut. As they fled the South, Israeli fighter jets were bombing the roads and bridges they were on, decimating the infrastructure connecting the region to the rest of the country. They were lucky they made it out alive. Others they saw around them were not.

Until now, there have been over 500,000 Lebanese displaced from their homes of a population of roughly 4 million. And, to date, over 250 people have died and over 900 have been injured, many severly so. The vast majority of these victims are civilians. Israel has also hit trucks transporting relief materials into Lebanon. Yesterday a truck transporting medicine donated by the United Arab Emirates was bombed. Israel has also wreaked losses of billions of dollars to our country; a country already in debt after investing to reconstruct after the end of the Civil War. The Southern part of Beirut has been leveled. Thousands of civilians have been cut off from access to clean water, food, shelter and medical treatment. The rest are trapped, biding time and rationing the supplies and resources they do have. Knowing what I know, it appalls me to watch the international press portraying the victimised Lebanese as aggressors.

If Israel's intention was to weaken Hizballah they are failing miserably. Instead they are strengthening the group's spirit and weakening the central government that had been working to disarm it. It seems the support within Lebanon for their disarmament may wane as a result of this war. Watching General Michel Aoun speak yesterday on Al-Jazeera was riveting.

Aoun was a former general in the Lebanese army and played a role during the civil war, particularly in the 1980's. He was in exile in France until last year and returned after Hariri was assassinated. He has since been trying to win the country's presidential seat, which is reserved only for Christian Maronite candidates. Considering the stances he has historically taken, his interview yesterday was in remarkable contrast. He calmly and eloquently stated Lebanon's strength now is in its unity. He believes Hizballah cannot be irradicated because they are a people unto themselves and they are part of the people of Lebanon. He went on to say that by now, the country has suffered such material loss that continued bombing should make little difference to Lebanon. On the contrary, he said, Israel would be doing the country a favour to future reconstruction efforts if it continued to bomb out the rest of the damaged bridges. In reconstruction, you can't fix a bridge; you have to tear down the damaged one first before rebuilding a new one. He called on all Lebanese to stand strong in the face of Israeli aggression. He asserted the salient factors that will rebuild the Lebanon are not material. The ability to reconstruct and rebuild in the aftermath lies both in the strength of people's dignity and unity now and its continued strength later. Material things come and go and they will come again, but the only thing that will rebuild Lebanon will be the dignity of our unified people. It is our duty now to stand together shoulder to shoulder and arm in arm in support of our resistance and in support of our army working with that resistance to defend our country. Hizballah should not return the missing soldiers until a prisoner exchange is agreed upon and the 40 sq km of the Shebaa farms and its 15,000 residents are returned to their land, homes and properties. Otherwise, any agreement reached could only be a lull in the conflict and not a lasting resolution. Aoun went on to say he was shocked and disappointed by the duplicity of the governments of the Arab world. He was shocked to hear the statements of the leaders of the Arab world.. these had been the same leaders who until this war had started had told him they were in support of Lebanon, in support of the resistance and in support of Hizballah.

To me it is shocking to see Villepin, the French Prime Minister, travel to Beirut in a show of support for Lebanon and its people, while the leaders and governments of the Arab world fail to stand with us, even in word. The Lebanese are not the only people they have failed. They are also failing their own. While these governments turn their backs, the Arab street stands in our support.

Israel is waging an unjust war of aggression, terrorising and victimising the people of Lebanon. There is nothing surgical or targetted about their warfare. Their warfare are war crimes.

I have been in touch with my family and friends since leaving. They are all safe. My parents, grandmother and the housekeepers are in the mountains with my aunt and uncle. For those of you trying to get in touch with me, the best way is through email.

Always,
Reem

Looking at my grandmother today, I have more respect for her than ever

Here's the latest update. Israel just bombed our major ports from the south to the north, in both mostly Muslim and Christian areas including Saida, Beirut, Jounieh, Batroun and Amchit…all of which are civilian and commercial ports. They also bombed the lighthouse in Beirut, Lebanese army outposts in Saida, the country's only grain silo at Beirut's port, and the water reservoir in Saida. They have also been systematically bombing our gas stations. 20 of them to date have been destroyed. I am no international lawyer, but by any standard what they are doing are war crimes. To attack our army, and such civilian infrastructure as water and grain silos is absolutely and categorically a war crime. These attacks are completely inhumane. And all for what? 2 soldiers? These two soldiers, few hours after their capture, were offered up in a peaceful prisoner exchange in return for Lebanese detainees, some of whom have been unlawfully imprisoned for over 25 years. Undoubtedly the return of their two soldiers is a lame excuse. It seems to me and to many others here that those two soldiers are scapegoats. I would not be surprised if Israel sacrificed them in order to have the feeble excuse to bring the whole of Lebanon under siege.

That is what we are now. A country under siege. Nothing is sacred here. Everything is a target. Do not think for a second that anything about these attacks is simply aimed at weakening Hizballah. It is weakening the whole country, trying to break us all. Several families in their entirety, mothers, fathers and their children today alone have been killed. Today, the Israeli army gave the people of the Southern Lebanese town of Marwahin two hours to leave their village. Out of fear, they packed up and started to leave. Shortly after they left their village, Israeli helicopters targeted their cars, killing 23 people, 9 of whom were children. These were not long-range missiles that accidentally landed on the fleeing civilians. These were targeted missiles fired from helicopters just above them.

The majority of the 150+ people that Israel has killed in the last few days are children. They are demolishing the country, having bombed both Muslim and Christian areas. All forms of civilian infrastructure have been hit. And Israel has precluded us from any form of escape. By air is impossible since they've decimated our airport. By sea is impossible since Israeli battleships line our shore and have bombed our ports. By land is impossible since Israel has bombed all the roads between Lebanon and Syria and demolished all connecting roads and bridges in the southern half of the country.

As for me, I am in Beirut in our home here. Everyone is just staying put since being on the roads anywhere is not the safest idea at the moment. I just came back home with my parents from checking on my grandmother. The roads are eerily empty. She's doing ok. She is the sweetest, softest lady. And I'm not just saying that because I'm related to her. She never has a bad word about anyone, never passes judgment on anything. While we were playing cards this evening, every so often she would pass a small comment likening what's happening now to other times she has lived. Sitting at the card table with her I thought over her life. Two times in her life before she has left her home because of Israel. The first in 1948 when she had to flee her home in Haifa under Zionist terrorist siege with my grandfather, father, age 3, and uncle, age 6 months. After the Israeli terrorist organizations forced the departure of the Palestinians from their homes and land through massacre, they then declared the state of Israel. A state born out of terrorism. Those Zionist terrorist organizations, the Haganah and the Irgun, that targeted the local Palestinian Arab populations, massacred them and forced the departure of the rest, were transformed into the Israeli Defense Force and the Mosad; the Israeli army and the Israeli Intelligence respectively. Now they belong to a state and perpetrate state-sponsored terrorism.

Again in the 80's my grandmother with my grandfather were forced to leave Lebanon, which had become their de facto home since the creation of the state of Israel had precluded them from returning to their home, land and businesses in Palestine. To add insult to injury during our civil war in Lebanon, Israel took the opportunity to invade, bomb and occupy us. Their occupation of Lebanon only ended 6 years ago, and even then they still occupy areas in dispute.

Once the civil war in Lebanon ended my grandmother and my grandfather moved back to Beirut from what became their new home in Washington, D.C. Things here had settled and the country was optimistic, rebuilding and on a positive trend. These last six months, the investments had been pouring in, construction projects going up, tourists filling the country with 10,000 people coming into our country of 4 million daily. The country had been on a huge economic upswing. Until this past Wednesday. Why is that? I wish I had a short, clear answer. However, sitting with my grandmother today, I realize that once again, her security is in danger and her home is no longer safe. My grandfather passed away 2 and a half years ago never having seen the place of his birth again. I still carry the deeds to his properties, apartments, flour mills and bank accounts. All of which have been taken without compensation or recognition by Israel.

I can understand why she may not want to leave. I can understand why my parents may not want to leave. Leaving runs the risk of foregoing everything you leave behind. Everything you've worked hard to establish. I personally have never myself lived that kind of loss. I hope that I never will. However, we are faced here in Lebanon today with an inhumane attacker. One with a history of disregard for human life, one that has sacrificed both the livelihood and lives of others for its own gain. And you don't have to look back to its inception in1948 for these examples in Israeli history. Look at the history of the last few hours here in Lebanon.

Looking at my grandmother today, I have more respect for her than ever. I do not know how she has managed to maintain her soft demeanor, polite nature and soft-spoken manner. After living her lifetime, I do not think I could be as quiet as she. It's time for us all to raise our voices.

Always,
Reem

I can't believe what is going on here now

I can't believe what is going on here now. Since I wrote the message below, they've bombed the largest city, Tripoli in the North, and with it one of the last roads from Lebanon to Syria. In that bombing, some 8 ppl trying to leave the country by car died and I dont know how many others were injured. It seems the only roads left are small side roads, but those aren't safe right now either. I had been planning on trying to leave tonight, but that's probably not the safest option anymore. Everyone here is a hostage in their own country!! Its crazy. They talk about terrorism in the media but they only get half the story. Watching the Israeli embassador to the UN yesterday talking about assisting and liberating Lebanon made through these actions disguisted me. All the while they are the ones that have turned everything in this country upside down in a matter of days and are terrorizing the whole country... keeping us in our homes, targetting and killing civilians and tearing down our infrastructure.

This morning we'd decided that I would try to leave this evening by car through Syria to Jordan, but it looks like I am going to hold off on that plan after the bombing this afternoon on the road to Syria by Tripoli. That was the road I was going to take. I don't know what to do about my parents. My father is adamant about staying. My grandmother is 85 and won't even leave her house to come to ours, much less leave the country. There's also the issue of the housekeepers who don't have visas to Syria and so will not be allowed to cross the border with us if we left. Anyway, so he wont leave until he figures those things out, and my mother won't leave him. And I don't want to leave them or my grandmother, but they are insistant I go if we can figure out a safe way to do that. A driver from Jordan has already left to pick me and a few others up from here but he's called from the road saying he doesnt think its safe anymore. We are probably going to wait until the American or British embassies start their evacuation plans.

In the meanwhile, I'm just keeping up with news, chilling and hanging out. Have been doing some very normal and some very abnormal things today. Went to the gym and to an appointment... also went to the bank to withdraw cash to keep on hand and spent the morning discussing exit strategies. Everyone here is kind of in limbo. Some ppl doing normal stuff like going to a wedding tonight, another friend of mine is keeping his bar open for business with a trivial pursuit competition. People are between worlds, trying to maintain as much of normal life as possible while preparing for the worst which other people are already dealing with.

I don't know what to think anymore... about what to do, what is safe, what will happen... dont know. I have never felt more ordinary in my life... (or more helpless or more trapped). Aside from being terrifying, this whole thing is a very humbling experience.

Will keep you updated
xx
Reem

Things in Beirut are still ok

Things in Beirut are still ok (central beirut, not the southern suburbs). I dont know if that will remain or not. No one really knows how this situation can turn. I spent the last two days and nights hearing and feeling the impact from the Israeli bombs. Last night watched a nighttime sound and light show of jets and anti-aircraft fire. Ive seen that spectacle before, but I have never felt this degree of foreboding and fear before.

I have been chatting with some other friends of mine that are also stuck in the country. We are all calm, but dumbfounded by the absurdity of this situation we, and the region, seems to be sinking into. Its a real dinner of the absurd. What makes it stranger is, across the board, our parents seem to be taking this in stride. One friend's mother went up to the mountains yesterday evening just for a dinner. Yesterday afternoon, another friend of mine's mother went to see her friends for a game of bridge. The older generation had the war to train them to be calm under extreme conditions. I don't know if that training has left them sage and wise with a keen sense of timing, or whether it has only desensitized them to dangerous and risky situations. All of them, my parents included, seem to think the best and safest option is to wait this out. But as we wait, things do not seem to be getting either better or safer. Unfortunately they seem to be going the other way towards escalation. It seems to me that things are only going to get worse before they get better. I am afraid that people's bridge playing and dinner parties are giving them a false sense of security and normalcy, when instead they should be more focused on exit strategies and contingency plans. We will see if our strategies change as things progress.

How things can get flipped right round literally overnight, I am having difficulty stomaching. Its Saturday morning. If you'd asked me on Monday what I thought I would be doing at this time today, I would have said waking up with a slight hang-over after a long fun night out to have brunch with the family before heading to the beach. Instead I feel like the whole country is held hostage with no way out. The airport is completey decimated. It has now suffered several rounds of Israeli jet attacks, despite the fact they had already rendered it inoperable from the first attack on the runways. They went back to bomb the fuel tanks yesterday and then bombed the main structure last night apparently, just adding insult to injury. I am so mad...the only purpose the additonal attacks on the airport serve is to prolong its reconstruction and to leave Lebanon in ruins again. Our infrastructure is already devastated, with major roads, bridges and power plants attacked by the Israelis. We are already starting to see internal refugees come up from the South whose towns have been bombarded day and night leaving over 60 dead and scores injured. There has been a huge displacement of people around the country, people trying to get to safer locations. I am not sure what the safer locations will be in the near future considering what I am hearing on the news.

I've always maintained that Lebanon as a whole, and Beirut in particular is a place of radical contrasts. You will see things that are at both edges of the spectrum and everywhere in between. You can witness in the same glance a covered woman all in black with only her face and hands peaking out then two steps behind would be another woman wearing a skirt as long as some belts are wide, with 10cm heels, hair perfectly coiffed, face shining from all the work she's done to it. Contrast is alive and well and that aspect of Lebanon is no different now. While some are fleeing their homes and trying to survive bombings, others are playing backgammon and smoking arguileh (shisha) on their balconies not more than 10 km aways, silently contemplating their futures and praying for a fate different than their neighbours.

Anyway dear, I will try to keep you informed of whats going on here. I've registered with the british and american embassies, so hopefully I will be kept additionally informed by them. My cell number here is ---. The house number is ---. Call me if you get the chance.

xx always,
Reem

Things in the country though are getting flipped upside down a little

Things in the country though are getting flipped upside down a little . We've had several dozen casualties today and yesterday, the south and some suburbs of beirut have been taking a beating. the airport has suffered two rounds of bombings and is out of commission, and all sea travel is completely precluded by isreali ships. which also means no gasoline imports at all since all of those come in by sea. they've also threatened other major infrastructure like our power stations and other major highways and bridges they havent already bombed. i'm just hoping that things will settle down before they get worse. I dont know how that will happen quickly though since I dont see either hizballah or israel backing down.

Anyway, all of that you can get on the news. For the most part the feeling here is waiting and seeing how this runs its course. there's not much anyone can do otherwise. tried to carry-on normally today, but most all of my meetings except one got cancelled and my drinks this evening got cut short because they were bombing the airport. For the most part, at least among the people I know, its a wave of disbelief, anger and helplessness that everyone's feeling. granted everyone has different opinions as to who they are angry at and why, but overall no one's happy feeling like a sitting duck.

No worries, Lebanese are resiliant (when given the chance to be at least). Hopefully our economy will be too. So far things aren't totally out of control and hopefully they won't get to that.

For now all is ok.
missing you all xx

always,
Reem